dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
