Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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