I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
