I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
