do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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