I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
