That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
