I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
