your parents love me but you hate me
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
