wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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