it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I currently don't understand fingers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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