You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
