When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
