i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
