Will you blow on my dice?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize