So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
