dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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