I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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