I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
