please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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