I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
40s are totally the cure
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
