Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
