I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
