I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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