Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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