Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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