My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
