STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
