i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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