in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
