you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
