watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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