I got chris browned last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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