I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
