Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
