i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
