You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I didn't notice because vodka
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
