I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
