FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
