a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
