Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
