very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
