Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
