That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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