a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
