I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
