Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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