Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
