Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
