I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
