I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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