who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
