i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
