WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
