Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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