Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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