Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
