weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
